Image: Sunder Nursery, Delhi
Self-isolation has always been my way of coping. Often, I feel an overwhelming urge to vanish from everyone without leaving a trace. It's not that I don't enjoy the company of others, but sometimes the weight of the world becomes too heavy, and all I want is to be alone.
There's a peculiar comfort in the idea of disappearing. It's not about escaping my problems; it's about finding a peaceful place where I can simply exist. During these times, I want to ignore everyone and everything around me and retreat into my own world.
When I disappear, I have the freedom to do whatever I please—reading a book, taking a long walk, sleeping, or indulging in my favorite hobbies without the pressure of social interaction. There's a unique joy in being able to exist without seeking validation from others.
In embracing the practice of disappearing, I've come to understand the significance of self-care and self-awareness. It's about recognizing my own needs and setting boundaries, even if it means stepping away from the chaos of everyday life. Disappearing allows me to recharge, reflect, and emerge stronger.
Yes, I disappear often. And I've come to accept that it's okay. In fact, it's crucial for my mental and emotional well-being. It's a reminder that amidst the hustle and bustle of life, it's okay to press pause and retreat into solitude.
Yet beneath this desire to vanish lies a deeper yearning—not to disappear, but to be found. It's not a wish to be forgotten, but rather a longing to be sought after, understood, and accepted for who I am.
So, even though it may seem like I want to run away, what I truly want is for someone to find me, to rescue me from the darkness I've always been in, to show me the light, and to let me feel that I am not alone.
I've lived with the practice of disappearing, but I also hope that someday, someone will find me.
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